Reflection

I've now had some time since my 100 mile race, but there's so much I feel I haven't yet fully processed.

As for my preparation, most things went well. In training getting more verticle gain/lose would have been beneficial though. I definitely put in the miles and I wanted to make sure I could do that. Moving forward I want more quality miles though. That'll mean more steady running, more strides, and more vert. I also think I should have practiced more hiking. In case you didn't know, unless you're winning a 100 mile race (and probably even then) you will be hiking. It's not all running. You have to pace yourself and hike up at least some of the steep inclines. It's not sexy or exciting to practice hiking in training, but I think if I put in a few good hiking sessions, my muscles would have been more prepared for that movement.

As for my race execution, I also think that mostly went well. The main thing that went wrong was my electrolyte intake. At first I was only drinking sport mix. Then as I didn't really want to keep drinking that, I started to only drink water, but didn't have salt pills on me. I will always keep salt pills on me in the future. I also think that even drinking sports mix alone isn't enough sodium for me. On average people sweat out ~1,000mg of sodium per 1L of water and thus you should aim to replace that with a similar intake. I think I'm above that and plan to get tested for my sodium levels in my sweat. I didn't follow my nutrition plan either, but I think what I ended up doing was good. I got most of my calories from the on course sports mix because that was most convenient and I was drinking a lot, so getting in a lot of calories that way. At the start of the race I tried intaking too many calories and ended up vomited that all back up. People always voice that ultramarathons are an eatting contests, but I never felt the effects of intaking too few calories. In the future, I plan to not force any calories down at the risk of them being forced back up. I also didn't eat hardly any of my nutrition I brought. Which my take away for that is that's okay. Personally I have a pretty iron stomach and everything settles fairly well in my stomach while running, so I plan to imbrace that and consume what sounds good. I could have went out a bit slower, although I don't think I went out crazy fast or anything. Many other things went well, my feet didn't get messed up, cooling with ice in my arm sleeves, hat, buff, & bandana was good, and above all else, I finished.

I'm torn with how I feel about my race overall. I have extremely high standards for myself and I realize that can be a detriment. But if my standards weren't so high, I know I wouldn't be pushing myself to do things such as run 100 miles. I didn't finish in the time I wanted, but I'm proud of what I accomplished. Only 127/278 people even finished and I finished with having an injury for the last 70 miles. I could barely stand up at mile 67, yet managed another 35 miles. I'm trying to pin point why I even finished. Quitting briefly crossed my mind, but I knew I wouldn't. If I could keep moving forward I would. Honestly I think my biggest motivator was fear. Fear of what I and others would think of me if I didn't finish, but it's was mostly fear of myself. I couldn't live with knowing I just gave up. I don't want to use fear to complete things like this though. I want to have fun and love for myself.

During the race I was horrified that it was the hardest thing I've ever done and in 3 months I had to go over twice as far, with more elevation gain, at a higher altitude, with less crew support. I've started to come around and am mentally ready to started training for my 200 mile race. I'm still scared, but I'm going to give it everything I have.

I want to try my best, but I think I've found out 100+ miles is too far to try your BEST. There will be moments you walk, stop, make a mistake, etc. Maybe my perception of what it means to try your best is messed up. I might be getting perfection confused with trying your best. I noticed when I knew I could no longer get under 24hrs even, that my motivation faded. I'm not sure if I'm proud of those last ~30 miles. Could I have ran more, could I have ran faster, SHOULD I have though?

I know if I'm not working towards something, I'm not nearly as happy as when I am. Some times it doesn't makes sense to me why I'm doing this, running thousands of miles. I am learning things about myself along the way and there's so many aspects of it I love. I don't want to quit. I don't want to be left thinking what if. I am just getting started and I know if I stick with it, what seems impossible will become a reality.